Talk:SorryNotSorry/@comment-4109358-20160403054040
I wanna open up about something that was ongoing for a long time that has diminished the past couple years, but I think I'm ready to just fully talk about it. So in 7th grade, I became friends with this girl and we got close pretty quickly. Our friendship meant a lot to me because I've always had a hard time making friends. And for once, someone finally genuinely cared about and liked me and it was an amazing feeling... so I thought. In reality, the friendship was actually toxic, manipulative, and even arguably abusive (depending on how you perceive it) and it took me a long ass time to realize how terrible of a person she was. There were a lot of red flags and even though I was very naive, I can't believe I didn't walk away sooner. The receipts: *In 8th grade, she held a MASSIVE grudge with me cause I said the word "fuck" and it wasn't even directly at her (or even offensive from what I remember). If I recall correctly, I think she was having issues with someone else and she was taking it out on me. I was so saddened by that and was even kissing her ass and apologizing a lot. We did make up from that, but damn... *One of the biggest issues with our friendship is how I was only her "best friend" when it was convenient and I really wasn't shit to her. She'd always have some new best friend and would flaunt that friendship, but she never did that for me. Was I being jealous at the time? I'll fess up to that, for sure. But in the now, I strongly believe that I wasn't good enough for her (which isn't really true #woops). *She'd ALWAYS cancel plans on me. At first, I was understanding toward it since she had a long distance boyfriend and barely got to see him. But her cancellations were happening on the regular, sooooo. *Remember that one guy I liked a few years ago? She considered him her best friend and if I ever vented about him being a fuckboy to me, she'd make me out to be the bad guy and did not see my side of things at all. What makes it really hypocritical is how she dated one of my best friends (who I've been friends with since I was 5 and I'm still friends with to this day and they don't even talk anymore lol) and I listened to her vent about him and saw her side of things. Why wasn't the same respect given to me? *So there were a couple guys I liked in high school and she'd always tell me to go tell them how I feel. I legit wasn't comfortable with doing that and told her that. But she told me that she wouldn't talk to or be friends with me anymore if I didn't tell them how I feel and I pretty much ended up putting myself in an uncomfortable position just to please her and keep our friendship. That shit is REALLY manipulative and disgusting, point blank. Was she serious? Probably not. But what business does ANYONE have threatening a friendship over my own feelings and comfort zone? *She'd always bash and make fun of everything I'm interested. *Toward the end of our friendship, she'd only text me if she needed homework or some shit cause her ass was never in school. There is probably a lot more I could add, but those are only the basics. What made me realize she was a piece of shit? Well, first we drifted apart a couple years ago cause we didn't have any classes together and neither of us bothered to talk to each other anymore. That gave me some time to reflect on our friendship and if she's really worth it. Another big thing is how one of my best friends (who is literally the nicest person and was also close with her) told me that she is a very manipulative person and a bunch of other receipts (oh man, is that girl a piece of shit). I've vented to other friends about her and they totally agree that she's a shitty excuse for a friend as well. So that made me realize and accept that I can do and deserve much better than her. There was a point in my life where I thought I couldn't survive without her, but that is not true at all. While I've had plenty of downs the past couple years, my life has definetly improved without her in it, that's for sure. I deal with enough bullshit, I'm a mess, sometimes do think lowly of myself, etc etc, but I love myself enough to know that she ain't SHIT and I do not deserve to have someone in my life that did not care about me and was nothing much a manipulative and emotionally abusive piece of trash. One last thing, I have yet to actually confront her about it (she don't even live her anymore, god bless). But if she tries to talk to me again or whatever, I'm likely not gonna play nice. I'll be classy, but she doesn't deserve my kindness because I've already wasted enough of it on her for 4 or so years.